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Earlier this week, I was surfing through my Facebook friends’ status updates, and I noticed a former classmate had attended our high school’s career day. She mentioned that it had quickly spiraled into an intense debate as to whether or not one can “have it all.”
By way of background, I went to a stereotypical, ultra-competitive, over-achieving private all-girls school in Washington, D.C. At the age of nine, we were taught that we can and should be anything we want to be. Because it was an all-girls school, it was all girls who were the star athletes, valedictorians, student government leaders, yearbook and newspaper editors. We had an annual “Women in Power” day. In short, we were taught that with the right combination of hard work, social responsibility and, of course, good grades, there was no reason we couldn’t have it all.
No one ever told us that we were chasing an impossible dream. Having it all is an illusion. Life is all about making choices—sacrifices—leaving roads untaken, and anyone who says you “have it all” demeans the sacrifices you’ve made in life. But many women are too caught up in envying the greener grass and don’t take the time to appreciate the decisions they’ve made for themselves.
Some women spend so much time focusing on their career they may miss out on marriage, kids, or just raising their own kids. Other women step off their career path to have kids, and when they go back to work their jobs often take second fiddle when it comes to child-rearing responsibilities. Then, of course, many women choose child-rearing as their career, but sometimes complain of boredom or worry about their lack of economic independence.
All women envy each other at times and typically focus on the missed opportunities in life. Many drive home the impossibility of “having it all,” or if a woman claims to have it all she is resented by peers. The high school seniors at our school hear this debate and sit slack-jawed as all the hope is drained from their little feminist minds.
This made me rethink my opinion on believing I can never “have it all,” I would never complain about the path I have taken in life. So I took stock in what I do have.
I have two beautiful, smart daughters who are blessed with a late-sleeper gene. I have a husband who’s willing to change diapers, bring me dinner at work late at night, and be an endless source for blog fodder. He has yet to don a fudgy brownie suit to hand out Tribeca Treats postcards or become a Redskins fan. But that’s neither here nor there.
I have two parents, three sisters, a huge extended family and great friends, all of whom have helped me follow my dream. I get to make cakes for a living, and I have a business that’s showing early signs of success.
I have a wonderful dentist (Dr. Saul Pressner) and amazing movers (Personal Touch Movers). Don’t underestimate the value in this.
Of course I don’t have it all. Among other things, I don’t have a lot of sleep; I rarely have time for myself; I could use more vacation time, or at least work-free vacation time. When I’m at work, I miss doing things with my daughters. When I’m with my daughters, I’m often worrying about work. I could have better hair. Or a favorite football team that’s won a Superbowl in the last 17 years.
But I am content. No, not content—content implies that you are not going to continue to strive for things, and I have plenty to still strive for, but I never look longingly at another’s life. Sure, I would love to be able to take spontaneous trips to Morocco and have a personal trainer that comes to my home or a closet full of Christian Louboutins, but I am surrounded by the rewards (and, of course, challenges) of the choices I have made, and this makes me happy. I chose to have kids; I chose to start my own business. I may not have control of the Redskins’ win-loss record, but I do choose to put on my burgundy and gold jersey year after year.
Looking at it that way, I realize I am lucky to have one of the most important things in life--opportunity. It may be impossible to have it all, but as long as I have the ability and means to make my own choices? Then I have enough.
By way of background, I went to a stereotypical, ultra-competitive, over-achieving private all-girls school in Washington, D.C. At the age of nine, we were taught that we can and should be anything we want to be. Because it was an all-girls school, it was all girls who were the star athletes, valedictorians, student government leaders, yearbook and newspaper editors. We had an annual “Women in Power” day. In short, we were taught that with the right combination of hard work, social responsibility and, of course, good grades, there was no reason we couldn’t have it all.
No one ever told us that we were chasing an impossible dream. Having it all is an illusion. Life is all about making choices—sacrifices—leaving roads untaken, and anyone who says you “have it all” demeans the sacrifices you’ve made in life. But many women are too caught up in envying the greener grass and don’t take the time to appreciate the decisions they’ve made for themselves.
Some women spend so much time focusing on their career they may miss out on marriage, kids, or just raising their own kids. Other women step off their career path to have kids, and when they go back to work their jobs often take second fiddle when it comes to child-rearing responsibilities. Then, of course, many women choose child-rearing as their career, but sometimes complain of boredom or worry about their lack of economic independence.
All women envy each other at times and typically focus on the missed opportunities in life. Many drive home the impossibility of “having it all,” or if a woman claims to have it all she is resented by peers. The high school seniors at our school hear this debate and sit slack-jawed as all the hope is drained from their little feminist minds.
This made me rethink my opinion on believing I can never “have it all,” I would never complain about the path I have taken in life. So I took stock in what I do have.
I have two beautiful, smart daughters who are blessed with a late-sleeper gene. I have a husband who’s willing to change diapers, bring me dinner at work late at night, and be an endless source for blog fodder. He has yet to don a fudgy brownie suit to hand out Tribeca Treats postcards or become a Redskins fan. But that’s neither here nor there.
I have two parents, three sisters, a huge extended family and great friends, all of whom have helped me follow my dream. I get to make cakes for a living, and I have a business that’s showing early signs of success.
I have a wonderful dentist (Dr. Saul Pressner) and amazing movers (Personal Touch Movers). Don’t underestimate the value in this.
Of course I don’t have it all. Among other things, I don’t have a lot of sleep; I rarely have time for myself; I could use more vacation time, or at least work-free vacation time. When I’m at work, I miss doing things with my daughters. When I’m with my daughters, I’m often worrying about work. I could have better hair. Or a favorite football team that’s won a Superbowl in the last 17 years.
But I am content. No, not content—content implies that you are not going to continue to strive for things, and I have plenty to still strive for, but I never look longingly at another’s life. Sure, I would love to be able to take spontaneous trips to Morocco and have a personal trainer that comes to my home or a closet full of Christian Louboutins, but I am surrounded by the rewards (and, of course, challenges) of the choices I have made, and this makes me happy. I chose to have kids; I chose to start my own business. I may not have control of the Redskins’ win-loss record, but I do choose to put on my burgundy and gold jersey year after year.
Looking at it that way, I realize I am lucky to have one of the most important things in life--opportunity. It may be impossible to have it all, but as long as I have the ability and means to make my own choices? Then I have enough.
posted by Rachel @ 2:06 PM 
